New Year's Resolutions: Revised Edition

So, today I made my list of New Year's Resolutions for 2009.

However, I decided I didn't want to do the same old cliche-ic ones I've made in the past. "Get into the best shape of my life", "Volunteer more", "Organize my pantry/closets for the last time - again", yada-yada-yada. Albeit, good resolutions, they have no backbone. They yield themselves to no real resolving since I'm always trying to do these things anyway.

I want to be able to actually succeed at at least one of my 2009 goals, to be able to feel accomplished come Dec. '09. So, I revised my original list to what you see below. Be forewarned, these goals are a bit lofty and should not be attempted by everyone. In fact, only I should do these.

1. I will admit, I have a bit of a lead foot. In 2008, I was pulled over a handful of times. And that was 2 handfuls less than 2007. But this year, I'm changing that. No more Officer Bob flashing his lights at me. From now on, I will only get pulled over by this guy:

2. Along those lines, I resolve to drive more defensively and steer clear (pun intended) of my past fender-bender-like mishaps.

3. I've heard that the number one reason for marital problems is financial woes. I have a personal/business credit card that has been used more for personal business than Mr. Simpleton is comfortable with. He likes to use good old hard cash...

I'm sure there's something I could learn from that?

4. Speaking of my husband, he is a busy man. I resolve to be a good wife and make sure his stress level decreases in 2009. I will make sandwiches for him whenever he asks and joyfully use the new dish scrubber he got me for Christmas. I will throw tupperware parties, fold perfect hospital corners, iron socks all while making a 6 course dinner which will be ready by the time he walks in the door.

5. On that same general subject, I will improve my disciplinary skills with my children. 2009 will prove to be a much more promising year.

6. I will be more discreet about my bodily functions.

7. I will learn a new talent. Like this one:

Or maybe this Odd Talent?

8. Ok, ok. I will stop making fun of Michael Jackson.

9. I will try to overcome my fear or phobia of clowns...

...and dentists.

10. And last but not least, my family says I need to not be so serious. That I need to let loose and have a little fun. You know, joke more often.

Happy New Year to you all!

Disclaimer: These resolutions not intended for real resolving. No clowns or dentists were harmed during the typing of this post. However, the author wishes to convey her deepest condolences to Senator Clinton for having included the above photo in her "fear of clowns" resolution; it was the best photo she could find.

And despite the wisecracks made at Mr. Simpleton's expense she knows that he knows that she loves him dearly....and when he's done with her pants (of the family kind) he needs to hang them back up neatly in her closet.