"How To Be a Valentine Girl" as explained by Julia Mason

While getting a head start on making Valentines for my daughter's class, Julia (my 1st grader) came and sat with me in my art studio chatting to me about her day at school. Since she's entered the first grade, she has become quite the Chatty Kathy and leaves no space for interjection from listeners. Eventually, after about 10 minutes, the conversation leads to an episode I will heretofore refer to as "Confessions of a First Grade Valentine Girl".
(The entire conversation is strictly Julia speaking. Believe it or not, this is the condensed version and I don't think she took a breath while she sat cross-legged with her chin propped on a dainty limp hand.)

"Sooo, mom...My friend, umm, she has, like this problem. And she asked me for help since I'm cute and stuff. She was like, 'How do you be a Valentine Girl if a boy asks you?' and I told her that she had to get up in the morning and brush her teeth really good so like her breath doesn't stink, then she had to pick out her clothes and a pretty jacket that matches and shoes that he will like because they like the pretty shoes that sparkle, then you have to brush your hair and like put a bow in it. It might be a good idea if your mom does your hair for you. And like then, you're ready to be a Valentine girl. And Carter and Wyatt, they ALWAYS chase me around the playground and I'm always like, Ugh! when will they quit chasing me? So, I run away screaming and try to hide but they still find me no matter how hard I try. (*At this point, I giggled under my breath.*) And so I asked them why they keep chasing me all the days at school and like, Wyatt said 'Because you're cute.' and I said I knowed that but why? And Carter and Wyatt, they keep asking me to marry them and I keep saying no, except for this one time I said yes because he like kept asking and I thought he maybe'd stop asking if I said yes, but he didn't. So, at lunch, Carter, he's the one I said yes to, like he comes and sits next to me and says 'Since you're going to marry me that means I get to put my arm around you.' and I said 'No! That's gross! Can't you just leave me alone?' and then he said, 'So, you're not going to marry me?' and I said 'No, like can't you read my mind?' "
(*I busted up into full belly laughter for a solid 2 minutes while Julia waited patiently, staring at her nails. Oh, Lord help me with this, my 3rd child...And have mercy on those poor boys' souls.*)