Life With Kitty

I was trying to play with Piper today but as you can see she was being super lazy all cuddled up on her spot. So, I decided to get the camera out instead and just shoot her natural beauty.
As I am attempting this, I caught a glimpse of something in the lens as the shutter clicked. Look...do you see it? The black fuzzy stuff in the upper left corner...yeah, that's Masseuse, our cat. I couldn't get another shot of Piper for him standing in front of the lens wiping his snotty nose all over it and yowling at me. Can you tell he was obviously feeling left out?

But as I leaned back on the couch and reverted my attention to His Highness, THIS is the look I get!


Pray tell, what in Heaven's name hath I done, Master Masseuse, to have offended thee so?
Shall I fetch thee clean water from the spring?
Should I swiftly flee to the ocean shore and bring thee back the finest of freshest tuna?
Shall I command the sun to rise in the West instead of the East tomorrow?

Honestly, this cat has some major personality disorders. I "rescued" him from a garage sale about 2 years ago. He was skinny and hungry but friendly. When I picked him up, (which is always my downfall because I never put them back down and they inevitably end up coming home with me, much to my husband's dismay), he began kneading my chest and arms, hence how he got his name. Now, read on and tell me that I am not the one needing rescuing here!

Let's discuss just a couple of his disorders, quickly before he notices I'm gone:

Schizophrenia: One minute he's lazily laying next to me in bed bathing himself. The next thing I know, he's clawing me to get to the door and escape something that I guess is going to eat him. I used to jump out of bed, too when he did this. We'd both be looking around the room all wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, eyeballing each other. After a minute or two I'd crawl back into bed, but not before checking underneath it and in the covers for some kind of culprit for his madness. I have come to realize that it was the voices in his head told him to do that.

OCD: He walks figure 8s around my legs every morning while I'm in the bathroom getting dressed. This sounds typical of a cat, right? No. It's not! He does this every morning at the same time and if he can't get to me he starts yowling outside the door frantically. Eventually, he starts knocking his head against the door. I'm not kidding. Plus, he HAS to race me down the stairs every morning. And he HAS to win. No matter how much of a head start I get, he will fly past me scooby-dooing the last few steps and risking a broken neck just to beat me. I used to think it was a little game we played. No, this is his sick obsession with authority over me. Which leads me right into a BIG one...

Narcissism: Hence, the reason I started this post to begin with. His feelings of grandiosity and prestige prevented him from allowing me to give any sort of attention to any other four-legged member of the clan. He has this sense of entitlement, that everything in the house is HIS; the couch where I was just sitting 2 seconds ago, the magazine I am reading at the moment, the laptop I am currently typing on (right now), the milk on my cereal, the potted plants outside, my hair ties-whether they're in my hair or not, the clothes on my floor, my jewelry-specifically dangley earrings, the dog's food, the bread in the bread box that's double bagged, the water from the sink while I'm doing the dishes, even the dust bunnies I so neatly swept into a pile that I had to turn my back on for just a second to get the dust pan...

Dissocial/Multiple Personalities: OK, get this. I'm relishing in a rare cuddling moment with Masseuse. He's happily curled up in my arms, I'm stroking his head, he's purring loudly and has his eyes closed. I scratch his nose, his all-time favorite scratching spot, and he presses his face into my finger. He's liking this, right? That's what one would assume. All of a sudden he opens his eyes and, you know that look in the picture above?
It's too late.
I can't back away slowly.
I can't shake hands and compromise a truce.
I can't bribe him with super yummy and very expensive kitty treats.
All I can do is cover my throat and curl into the fetal position and pray for the beatings to end soon.
Within a few minutes it's all over. I emerge only partially scathed and bruised. There are claw marks on my forehead and teeth marks up and down my arms. Clumps of my hair are in piles here and there all around me. I am bleeding profusely from one ear.
Then, he licks me.
On my sore spot.

I have contemplated taking him to the vet for some sedatives of some kind but am afraid of what will happen if I forget a dose one day.

Angel Kitty or Devilish Feline? You decide.

Bringin' Sexy Back

What you are peering at is my son's attempt at "Sexy". How do I know that he was specifically going for that, quote-unquote, sexy look, you ask?

Simple.

As he bounded down the stairs and came to a very intendedly suave and debonair stand still, just slightly leaning on the piano he looks at me and the girls and flashes his signature wink in our general direction and says...

"Bow-chica-wow-wow!"

Yes, I know. Everything you're thinking...I know it.

There Goes My Life

Where's a Bottle of Time When You Need One?

It is amazing to me how quickly time passes. With Garrett starting school and all my girls who have been in school and it's no longer such a big deal to them, I have come to the realization that precious time with my children is gone. Time that I hope I spent wisely and that I hope even more so has had an impact on them. It's time I wish I had back. Time that has slipped out the back door with all its suitcases and left the key on the counter.
I've sent kids to school before. And I cried on all of their first days, too. But like I said in a previous post; this one is different. With Garrett leaving, I come home to an empty house. It's the weirdest sensation to look over your shoulder and not have a chubby little face right there ready with the question, "Is it snack time yet?"
So, today I took the last of my offspring out for a very special mom and son date letting him choose what all we did. Here's the day in pictures for your enjoyment:

Eating at Long John Silver's


Photo Op


Play date at the park.


I remember when this slide used to be too big for him. Now nothing seems too daunting for my little man.




Not a bad little pic for a 4 year old Pre-schooler!




He was supposed to wait on me. I guess I better get used to that idea. Time doesn't believe in waiting. I found that out today.

Did I Do That?!

Recently, a couple close friends of mine and I found some extra courage just lying around and, after no one claimed it, we decided to put it to good use ourselves while at Hurricane Harbor. We opted to let a goofy black guy who insisted on being referred to as "That Boy" who was working his FIRST day on the job, no less, and a short Mexican lady with a major attitude problem strap us all together into body halters and string us up by our ankles from a 200 foot arch in the middle of the park.



That's the easy part...climbing. Although, I'm told about 1/4 of the way up the incline I turned ghost white and started chanting.


Anyhow, as the people below are turning into ants and I'm seeing my life flash before my eyes I had to wonder how I used up all that extra courage so fast. Some people waved to us. I waved back. Some people laughed. I didn't feel like laughing. I chanted some more. Some people had their hands clasped over their mouths. I felt like I might throw up but I couldn't get my hand to my mouth because that meant I would have to let go of the death grip I had on Ila. I swallowed instead.


The crane that was pulling us by our feet up and backwards came to a jerky halt. I saw "That Boy" wave to me which was the signal for me to pull the cord. Yes, he picked me to pull the cord that would release us into the eternal depths of swinging terror! And I know why...because he knew by the time I got up there I'd be the one to freak out and would give the best show for those on the ground. At least I didn't disappoint.


I blindly reached behind me and grabbed the little orange nubby thing wondering if this was the pull-cord or the thing that unhooks my harness. I winced and yanked. Nothing happened for a split second and it gave me time to latch on to Ila just case I had unhooked myself.


Then, the exhilaration of free fall. The wind in your face. The sun on your back. The nausea that has solidified and crept up your throat. We swung a million miles an hour back and forth like a pendulum in the sky. Although, I must say we 3 would have made a stunning pendulum. Anyhow, after I realized we were only a few feet above the people wading in the pools below I opened my eyes. I released my grip on Ila. Her arm was white and limp. I doubt she's recovered the feeling back in it yet. They may have had to amputate. There was a little girl who caught my eye and gave me 2 thumbs up. I replied with the same, albeit shaky, gesture. I almost puked on her.



When we were unharnessed and freed I took my first few steps on solid ground. However, there was a sound following me. It sounded like someone tapping a small drum behind me. I looked down. It was my knees. My hands had turned into mush and were now just useless appendages that drug the ground. My head flopped around on my neck like a bowling ball trying to balance on a chopstick.
But I'd do it all again tomorrow!

The 10 People I Hope NOT to Be Before the Age of 35; Or After For That Matter

I have had a week full of ups and downs but the last few hours have topped off my patience bucket and I just can't contain myself another minute. At the risk of sounding crass and just a bit edgy, please understand that I am venting here. Everyone has the right to vent. You do it. I do it. We all do it. And that's exactly what I'm going to do now. If you feel this may even possibly offend you, please move on. If you choose to stay and read further, I do not want to hear from you later about it, no matter how rational your intentions might be. In all light-heartedness, consider yourself warned.

DISCLAIMER: Yes, I know all of these people but am not writing about any one in particular, so don't think too hard about it.

1. The Know-It-All
A person who has the answer to every question you ask (whether you were asking them or not), or who has a story to top every story, whose experience was more exciting, more dangerous, more life-altering than yours.

2. The Back-Stabber
A person wielding hurtful sharp words aimed at you but launched intentionally while you weren't looking, so as to inflict the most pain and cause the most damage. It is for this purpose I have thick rubber-like armor hanging in my closet.

3. The Rogue Clock-Watcher
He/she who has their own set of clock hands that they live by. These hands stop and start for him/her on their command. They are chronically late for every event they are invited to attend. Birthdays, work, church, their own funeral; you can rest assured they will be a minimum of 20 minutes tardy. These people seem to think the world (and dinner) will wait on them, that they are important enough to have time stalled for their arrival.

4. The Story Intruder
One whose face shows complete boredom while listening to another speak and then, in the middle of the climactic height of the story, blindly interrupts to interject his/her own immediate thoughts on the weather, their plans for Friday night or why Cupid only wears a scarf around his loins.

5. The Fake Friend
This is kind of like staging a home when you're trying to sell it. You bring furniture and fixtures into an empty house to make it look and feel more inviting but as soon as someone buys the house all the stuff is hauled off to the next empty house for the next sell. This is a person who is always so happy to hear from you when you call her but forgets how the phone works when she picks it up to call you. She is one who shows up for you in your times of need in nice clothes and fresh make-up with hair primped and nails fixed but she conveniently left her reliability at home.

6. A Stepford Wife
Don't get me wrong, honey. I love making you sandwiches, (inside joke. If you'd like more insight on this please ask Mr. Simpleton to sing you the "Sandwich Song" to the tune of Enrique Iglesias' "Hero"), but you know as well as I do that I'm no robot and don't take orders well. Not that you order me around, but you know who I'm talking about here.

7. The Space Invader
A person who stands within my generously alloted personal space of 24 inches in diameter. I do not need to smell the garlic while you tell me how good Olive Garden's Zuppa Toscana was.

8. The Hypocritical Judgement Seeker
Those whose own faults and shortcomings seemed to have clouded their inner conscience and handed them a gavel with which to point at other people when they make a mistake. The Seeker then takes it upon themselves to address these flaws publicly and without the gumption of going to the offending person first. Good thing I always keep a spare set of claws in my purse.

9. The Accountability Shover
One whose pride won't allow blame to be willed on their name for any reason.
"The dog peed on the floor 3 times because its bladder is the size of a key lime, not because I forgot to let it out 5 hours ago."
Riiigghhhtt....I knew that!

10. The Annoying Loud-Mouthed Redneck Woman in the Grocery Store
Thank goodness I can say I am the farthest thing from this but it annoys me to no end to see a toothless woman in the frozen food aisle yelling aimlessly at blank-faced Johnny to stop hitting the glass freezer doors but little Johnny's not listening because he's heard all this before. And then to see her again yanking little Johnny by the arm all the way to the car calling him names and spanking him for *ahem* yelling back at her. I actually reprimanded a woman in the parking lot of Big Lots for this very thing.
I take too much pride in being a mom, and in my kids for that matter, to dare have someone even glance at me and think I'm a bad mom. I can take all 4 of my children together, at the same time, anywhere and not have to worry about them running off or misbehaving. There's raising kids differently and there's being a bad mom. THAT woman was being a bad mom.
And I would've kicked her butt had I not thought little Johnny would've walked away with the wrong lesson learned.

Say It Isn't So...

So, in the wake of another school year ending, I woke up this morning and realized that my son will be starting school in August.
That's like 7 weeks.
That's just around the corner.
That would be no big deal except that...

...it leaves me a lone woman in the house of Mason!
No one to make breakfast for.
No one to turn cartoons on for.
No one to give early-morning, mid-morning, late-morning, early-afternoon, mid-afternoon and late-afternoon snacks to.
No one to entertain me and give me inspiration while I sit at my artist chair trying to create my next great masterpiece.
And I guess I could kiss myself on the cheek at nap time but it just doesn't seem right.

I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Everyone keeps telling me, "Oh, you'll get used to it," or "You'll find something to do, honey."
I'm sure I will. That's the problem. I'm worried that I'll find TOO much to do and before you know it, online shopping will have become my 24 hour therapist.
Seriously, if you were smart you'd buy stock in things like eBay, the Gap, Old Navy, Victoria's Secret and Bath & Body Works because come late August when the stocks go up tremendously you'll be thankful you took my advice now (and thankful for bored stay-at-home moms like myself later).
Maybe I can enroll Piper, my greyhound, into some obedience training or swimming classes? I mean, she is almost 8, but I don't believe the whole 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks' adage.








And my cats; don't they have kitty socialization classes I could take them to? Nevermind, they'd maul somebody.









It's hopeless. I'm doomed; destined for days filled with Oprah, Dr. Phil and a pint of Schwan's Caramel Cashew ice cream.
Am I going to be one of those moms caught sneaking in to the school peeking in classroom doors to spy on their child?


Am I going to be one of those moms who signs up to be a substitute teacher and specifically asks to sub for my child's teacher or any adjoining teachers' rooms?
Am I going to be one of THOSE moms?

...yeah, I probably will.

Spicy!

You Are Basil

You are quite popular and loved by post people. You have a mild temperament, but your style is definitely distinctive. You are sweet, attractive, and you often smell good.

What Spice Are You?

All you need is....

An Artiste, Am I

I don't profess to be the next trendsetter in Altered Art or Rescued Jewelry Creations but I do make and sell quite a few things month to month in a little store downtown called Margie Pepper's. I love this place. I love it a lot. I love it so much, most of my paycheck from the art I sell goes right back into my friend, Michelle's, hand the second I get it. She owns the place and gave me my start in selling art. I had been selling on eBay but there is something so surreal about knowing at any given moment I could walk into someone's home or pass someone on the street and they could be displaying a piece of my art or jewelry that they paid good money for. I have taken a few pictures of some of my creations for your enjoyment. See something you're interested in, not that I meant for this to be a sales blog, but still...let me know.

"Spring Dreams" Necklace
One of a kind refurbished vintage pendant using rescued jewels and sparkling swarovski crystals.

"Enchanted Songbird" Necklace
One of a kind necklace using vintage faux pearl strands and settings with sparkling swarovski crystals.

"Let Your Light So Shine"
Original Framed Collage Art

Close-up

"Fined-Time"
Original Framed Assemblage using
a vintage bottle cap, watch face and speeding ticket.

"Beach Beauty" Party Hat

"Memories" Mini-Scrapbook keychain

"Live The Dance" 8x10 framed collage art

"Home-The Journey" 8x10 framed collage art

"Bella" paper keepsake Tiara

"Petite Royale" altered art tiara
Made using harvested and rescued jewels
and vintage German decorative foil trim.

"Easter Morning" Necklace
Made using vintage jewelry setting and harvested jewels.

"Divine Sisterhood" Necklace
Made using rescued vintage faux pearls, earring
salvage pieces, sparkling swarovski crystals and
vintage jewelry settings and clasps.

"Queen Bee" Brooch
Made using vintage jewelry setting,
sparkling swarovski crystals and
a gold modern bee charm.

"Queen Bee" Necklace
Made using vintage jewelry setting,
sparkling swarovski crystals, chocolate brown
velvet ribbon and a gold modern bee charm.

"The Player" 8x10 collage art
Made using vintage Bingo cards, Scrabble letters
and vintage images from my personal collection.

"Art" Assemblage Box
Made using a collage of vintage dominoes, scrabble letters,
bingo cards and a tiny vintage vile.

"I Caught the Song of My Heart" Statuette