Telemarketers Need Manners, Too!

Ok, so I don't know about you, but when I was growing up, my mother taught me the importance of having manners. Now, to some people that may be a big word. Manners. Come on, let's all say it together. Maaanneerrrss.

See, you don't have a problem saying it. You probably don't even have a problem using them! So, why is it that the people who need them the most are void of these essential parts of the human personality?

Take telemarketers, for instance. They seem to be the worst! You would think that since they're trying to sell me something, they'd try to make me their friend. Well, I don't know what kinds of friends telemarketers get but I can assure you that are manner-less. Let me illustrate a conversation I frequently have with these people:

*Ring*
*Ring*
*Ring*
(I was in the bathroom)
*Ring*
Me: Hello?

Looonnngg pause. I banter with myself- Hang up, idiot! (No, you better not. It might be important). If it is, they'll call my cellphone!
Then, I hear the slightly oriental or arabic and sometimes even American voice on the other end...

Telemarketer: Elo, is dis uh, Mrs. Maisions?
Me: *sigh* Mrs. Mason? Yes.
Telemarketer: Good! Elo, how are ju today?
Me: I'm fin-
Telemarketer: Goood. Let me just start off by saying that dis is not a sales call, ok, Mrs. Maishon?
Me: (*under my breath* But I figure you'll still ask for money in the end), Sure.
Telemarketer: And this call may be monitored by people that are much higher up than I am and will shoot me if I do not sell something to you. I am representing a company that...blah, blah, blah....

I have started painting my fingernails. I contemplate taking a shower or skinning a cow to make a handbag. I yawn. BUT, I am still listening. Why? Because I don't want to be RUDE.

Telemarketer: ...blah, blah, blah. And now, Mrs. Masson, how would a FREE trial of this product sound like to ju? If ju not completely satisfied we take it aalll back at no cost to ju. But, I know ju gonna like it and want to keep it. And it will be just half jur life savings every month for de rest of your life. So, all I need from you today is a major credit card. Ok, I ready...

Me: (Aha! I knew it!) Actually, your product sounds great but, I already have a product similar to the one you are selling. Thank you, though.

Telemarketer: Aah, now Mrs. Manson, ju not want to pass up dis great opportunity. It is risk-free, if you call giving out jur credit card number to strange-talking foreinger risk-free. I am ready for dat credit card number now...

Me: Thank you, but I have to pass.

Telemarketer: Might I remind you dat ju can cancel at any time but not without us charging ju at least $400 shipping and handling. So, what do ju say, Mrs. Maissions? how 'bout dat credit card number...

Me: No, really. I can't buy this product from you. I have no need for it (when I can get it from my home town for a fraction of the price of what you are trying to sell it to me from India or Pakistan or Jersey or wherever you're from)....

Telemarketer: PLEASE, Mrs. Mansians, I need ju to be buying dis product! Dey punish me if I not sell to ju! Pllleeeaassee, Mrs. Massions!

Me: It's Mrs. Mason. *click*

OK, now my point here...first off, I corrected my name to you once. I shouldn't have to do it again if you're pitching me a sale. Secondly, my mom always told me if somebody said no, you don't keep asking! It's RUDE!!

Another scenario:

*RING*
*RING*
*RING*
(I am ignoring it because the caller ID has given away their identity.)
*RING*
*RING*
(Wow, they don't give up.)
*RING*
*RING*
(I'm not home....)
*RING*
*RING*
(ARGH!)

Me: Hello?
It's actually an American female telemarketer on the other end! Not that it gives me any more hope of getting off easy here. It's just nice to not have to decipher every syllable of every word that is spoken for once.

Telemarketer: Hi, my name is Taneisha. I am a representative for blah, blah, blah....

I listen to her sales pitch and with every adjective I know it's something I don't need.

Telemarketer: ...blah, blah, blah. Is the owner available?

Me: No, he's not can I take...

*CLICK*

No, that was not ME who hung up. That was Taneisha!! Oh no, she didn't!!

Ok, so aside from the obvious, what was wrong with this picture? Does Taneisha or her superiors really expect me to clamor to buy whatever it was she was trying to sell me the NEXT time she calls my house? I should hope not. What she should be expecting is a big fat dial tone in her ear the next time I hear her voice.

Thank goodness my momma taught me good manners. Next time they call, I'll politely say, "Excuse me, I'm just wondering, but does it sound like I care?"
*CLICK*