New Year's Resolutions: Revised Edition

So, today I made my list of New Year's Resolutions for 2009.

However, I decided I didn't want to do the same old cliche-ic ones I've made in the past. "Get into the best shape of my life", "Volunteer more", "Organize my pantry/closets for the last time - again", yada-yada-yada. Albeit, good resolutions, they have no backbone. They yield themselves to no real resolving since I'm always trying to do these things anyway.

I want to be able to actually succeed at at least one of my 2009 goals, to be able to feel accomplished come Dec. '09. So, I revised my original list to what you see below. Be forewarned, these goals are a bit lofty and should not be attempted by everyone. In fact, only I should do these.

1. I will admit, I have a bit of a lead foot. In 2008, I was pulled over a handful of times. And that was 2 handfuls less than 2007. But this year, I'm changing that. No more Officer Bob flashing his lights at me. From now on, I will only get pulled over by this guy:

2. Along those lines, I resolve to drive more defensively and steer clear (pun intended) of my past fender-bender-like mishaps.

3. I've heard that the number one reason for marital problems is financial woes. I have a personal/business credit card that has been used more for personal business than Mr. Simpleton is comfortable with. He likes to use good old hard cash...

I'm sure there's something I could learn from that?

4. Speaking of my husband, he is a busy man. I resolve to be a good wife and make sure his stress level decreases in 2009. I will make sandwiches for him whenever he asks and joyfully use the new dish scrubber he got me for Christmas. I will throw tupperware parties, fold perfect hospital corners, iron socks all while making a 6 course dinner which will be ready by the time he walks in the door.

5. On that same general subject, I will improve my disciplinary skills with my children. 2009 will prove to be a much more promising year.

6. I will be more discreet about my bodily functions.

7. I will learn a new talent. Like this one:

Or maybe this Odd Talent?

8. Ok, ok. I will stop making fun of Michael Jackson.

9. I will try to overcome my fear or phobia of clowns...

...and dentists.

10. And last but not least, my family says I need to not be so serious. That I need to let loose and have a little fun. You know, joke more often.

Happy New Year to you all!

Disclaimer: These resolutions not intended for real resolving. No clowns or dentists were harmed during the typing of this post. However, the author wishes to convey her deepest condolences to Senator Clinton for having included the above photo in her "fear of clowns" resolution; it was the best photo she could find.

And despite the wisecracks made at Mr. Simpleton's expense she knows that he knows that she loves him dearly....and when he's done with her pants (of the family kind) he needs to hang them back up neatly in her closet.

Slip Slidin' Away!

PJs: $15

Sleeping bag: $20

Bi-annual dentist check ups: $85

Inventing the game "Midnight Staircase Surfing" which requires you to slide down the stairs banging your face or bottom rapidly on the 18 steps, laughing all the way down and begging to do it just one more time: Priceless

For some, there's spending the night.

For the rest, there's spending the night at the Mason's house.

By Jove, I think he's got it!

I want you to take a look at something I've found, passed on to me by a friend with a sincere interest in children and education. I think that it's safe to say that this is something that most people who follow my blog are interested in. 

This man, Sir Ken Robinson, is profound. He's intelligent. He's amusing. But he's more than that. He's an individual with the uncanny recognition of creativity in our youth, or the dissipation thereof rather, and why it might be dwindling right before our eyes. 

I hear so many people say "I have no talents." And each time I hear it, whether it is spoken in a conversation I am engaged in, or just overhearing someone in the supermarket, I think the same thing, "Bull." 

This guy is on the same page.

Watch this 20 minute video and tell me what you think. 

Do Schools Kill Creativity?

Just another day...

Today I...

got out of bed

stubbed my toe on the bathroom wall

after saying "OW!" out loud, realized I had a sore throat

spent 15 minutes deciding what to wear

stared at my shoe rack for 10 additional minutes

brushed my teeth

put on my makeup

changed my clothes

asked husband if I should wear hair down or up - he said down

I put my hair up

changed my shoes

switched out my purses to match my outfit

made up the bed with husband

picked up dirty clothes and hangers

picked up trash from Christmas on my bedroom floor

realized I'd been up for 45 minutes and had not made it out of my bedroom yet

went downstairs to eat breakfast

stared in the fridge for 5 minutes

decided to skip breakfast

marked off my to-do list "eat breakfast"

started a load of laundry

marked off my to-do list "start laundry"

picked up clutter all over downstairs

marked off my to-do list "pick up clutter"

straightened askew living room furniture

wondered why I had to straighten askew living room furniture

eyeballed the dogs

let them out to potty

watched dogs potty

started washing dishes

remembered I have 4 children

called children downstairs to wash dishes

joyfully marked off to-do list "wash dishes" 

broke up a cat fight between big black cat and calico cat

put big black cat outside

let little black cat inside

held and pet little black cat

realized it rained last night

sighed heavily

dried little black cat off

changed clothes

switched out purses again to match new outfit

decided to go to movies with kids and husband

husband said hurry

kids go same speed as always but say they ARE hurrying

husband asked children to find all 4-legged creatures and put them outside

found 3 of the 5 creatures

remembered 1 was already outside

found 5th creature - pried her off satin vanity stool

mission accomplished

we gathered at the front door

husband gets phone call

I say don't answer

he answered

we waited 20 minutes

kids scatter and are lost

saw grass from outside in the foyer

it annoyed me

got broom and swept entire downstairs

marked off my to-do list "sweep downstairs"

husband hangs up phone

located children with tracking device (i.e. snacks)

opened front door

karate chopped and ninja kicked animals away from door

piled in the car

fussed about seating arrangement

husband lost

drove to Sherman

went to eat at Olive Garden

ate something I have not eaten in years

remembered why I had forbidden myself to eat it in the first place

vowed never to eat it again

blamed lack of control on "that time of the month"

felt justified

went to see Marley & Me

laughed 

cried

laughed some more

cried some more

guy next to me told me he had kleenex for sale 2 for $1

I laughed

secretly scowled at man next to me

tried not to cry again

left the movies

husband went to work

made weekly menu

made Wal-Mart list

organized cookbook shelf

found food magazine I had not looked through yet

read food magazine

changed weekly menu

made new Wal-Mart list

fed children dinner

told children to watch TV

sat on couch to relax

heard strange and very loud noises upstairs

asked 4 children what was going on

got 4 different answers

asked politely if they would stop

heard 3 "yes ma'am's" and a "yes sir"

sat on couch and tried to relax again

made to-do list for tomorrow

heard running upstairs

asked children if they were running from Sasquatch

got no reply

asked children if Sasquatch ate them

heard "who's Sassy Squash?"

told children to be quiet or I was Sassy Squash and would eat them

decided trying to relax was useless

laid out food for tomorrow to thaw

remembered I am out of milk, eggs, potatoes, basically anything worthy of cooking a meal with

decided to lay out my clothes for tomorrow to try and save time in the morning

laughed at myself

put clothes back in closet

wondered why I do that

contemplated it being a disease and wondered if it had a name or a pill

realized it wouldn't matter because I'd be in denial that I even had a disease in the first place

decided to go to bed

sent children to bed first

1 hour passed before all 4 children were located and secured

changed into pj's

began reading new book husband got me for Christmas

heard scratching and big black cat meowing outside

got out of warm bed

let big black cat in

dog rushed out

watched dog go potty

let dog in

dog wanted treat

tried to find treats

gave dog last mini blueberry muffin instead

wondered where that was this morning for breakfast

got back in now cold bed

picked up book again

big black cat jumped on bed 

big black cat laid in front of book - blocked view

big black cat drooled on book

I put book down

turned out lights

little black cat jumped on bed, annoyed big black cat

made cats get off bed

listened to cats play-fight for 30 minutes

contemplated how wonderful my life is

smiled

cried

thanked my Heavenly Father

On The Twelfth Day of Christmas My Parents Gave to Me...

...the coolest quilt ever!!

I wanted to give my kids something this Christmas that they'd always remember; that wasn't just a toy or something they'd grow out of and forget but something that encompassed the best of them and their dad and I and their memories from so far in their life...something that when I'm gone, they'd fight over.

I gathered some of their old clothes and made quilt squares, their personal school pictures, pictures of our pets and our most recent family picture and photocopied them onto fabric then sewed them into more quilt squares. I also took them to Hobby Lobby and let them pick out some Christmas fabric not giving a hint as to what it was for. I took all of this and made a simple rag quilt. It's the first quilt I've ever done! And I couldn't have done it without the help of my so very patient mom. (Thanks to me, she's a professional seam-ripper!)

For someone who is a tad OCD and a tid-bit of a perfectionist, this quilt drives me insane. The colors clash and it is the farthest thing from being "beautiful". But for someone who is so extremely sentimental and addicted to making my kids happy, it is absolutely perfect! It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

To the best children a mother could ever hope for. I love you!!!!

On The Eleventh Day of Christmas My Parents gave to Me...

...homemade pillowcases!




They're nothing fancy. I mean, they'll use them for sleepovers and special occasions and that's probably it. Again, the perfectionist in me is cringing but if the kids love them, that's all that matters.

On the Ninth Day of Christmas My Parents Gave to Me...

...a gourmet breakfast!

This meal was complete with chocolate chip hazelnut pancakes, 2 strips of bacon, fresh fruit with vanilla yogurt cream, and toast with butter and jam. It was waaayyy too much and there were tons of leftovers but it was sooo good!

On the Eighth Day of Christmas My Parents Gave to Me...

...family ice skating!

I was the first of the 2 parental "role models" for our children to try going around the little rink full of teenagers and 5 year olds who could spin pretty little figure 8 circles around me. This was me and the little ones just before we ventured out on the ice. The older ones were already out on the ice working on their triple axles.

Just checking to make sure that wall is secure. Don't need any little kids knocking it down or anything. "Hey Julia, wait for me!"

And round and round we go! I was just beginning to get comfortable in the skates.

Now, it was time for the old man, I mean my husband, to try it.

I love this shot. The blind leading the blind.

Another great shot. Garrett said he wanted dad to teach him to ice skate. At this moment, Garrett had just spun a 360 plus some while still holding on to dad's hand who I think was holding on to Garrett's hand for his own support while confident teenagers whizzed by. Little man was holding on to daddy's leg for any form of steadiness he could find. How this didn't turn out totally disastrous, I don't know.

I was so proud of Daphne and Abby, neither of which had ever been ice-skating and they picked it up so fast! Like pros!

Here's Abby just being Abby. "I'm free! Free like the wind!"

Look at little Julia go! She was so proud of herself for doing this!! She even fell twice and still kept going.

And Garrett had such a good time skating with the wall!

This was the only shot that got all the kids (and wall-hugging mom) in one frame.

Aahhh...This was fun but it's so nice to have our comfy shoes back on!

On the Seventh Day of Christmas My Parents Gave to Me...

...disposable cameras!
I don't know about your kids, but my kids love to take pictures. So, I thought what a great idea...to give them their own non-breakable, non-expensive, non-make-mom-and-dad-really-mad-if-you-lose-or-break-it camera to take pictures with. There was only 27 pictures on each camera...that should last about a week.

Or an hour.

On The Sixth Day of Christmas My Parents gave to Me...

...movie night with popcorn!

What could be better for 4 young children than getting to stay up late?
Getting to stay up late on a school night watching Miracle On 34th Street whilst eating popcorn and stuffing themselves full of Christmas shaped marshmallows!!!

Tell me I don't love my kids!

On the Fifth Day of Christmas My Parents Gave to Me...

....pluuuumm pu-uu-dding!

I found this recipe and decided since we sing about sugar plums during Christmas I'd try to make Sugar Plum Pudding. Brilliant!!

Did you know that most Sugar Plum Pudding recipes don't even call for plums? How does THAT work?

Anyway, the recipe I used did call for something called beef suet.

Hmmm...yeah, I had to look it up. According to Webster's Dictionary it's the hard fatty tissue around the loins and kidneys of cows and sheep. It looks like this:

Yummy! *staving off the gag reflex*
Seriously, I want to know who ever looked at this stuff and thought, "I bet this righ' c'here would be downright good-eatins' in some Plum Puddin'."

Well, I needed 2 full cups of the stuff! Shredded, because we can't digest it correctly if it's not shredded. I figured I'd been so good this far into the holidays about saying no to 2nds or 3rds on dessert that, heck!, let's just kill ourselves with an overdose of lard pudding!

Yes, brilliant idea. I keep telling myself that.

Well, immediately upon reading about "beef suet" I did what any good cook would do...I started looking for substitutes.
Every place I looked said I could use real butter instead but "it's just not the same" or "you'll be sorry you didn't go with the suet".

So, I made a phone call to our local slaughterhouse...

Me: "Yes, do have something called beef su-wet?"
Lady: "Huh?"
Me: *giggling nervously because I'm already feeling like an idiot.* "Um, I have a recipe that calls for beef su-wet. Do you guys carry anything like that?"
Looong pause. I felt like hanging up to save myself the embarrassment. Of course she didn't have su-wet. This is Durant, America!
Lady: "Oh! Su-it! Sure 'nough, we got su-it! How much you need?"
Me: I was so giddy with excitement I sounded almost shrill. "2 cups, shredded!"
Lady: "Ok. Well, we don't shred it but you can come by and pick it up anytime today, hon."
Me: "Thank you!"
I should have known - of course they have su-it! This is Durant, America!

When I went to pick it up the lady came out to greet me and gingerly asked if I was certain my recipe called for beef suet. (This did not give me hope.) I assured her I read it correctly and asked her how much I owed.

She handed me 3 pounds of the stuff and told me it was on the house.

.....

Whatever hope I had of this 5th day of Christmas NOT being completely ruined was now utterly squashed. I had just been handed the leftovers, the what-the-slaughterhouse-dogs-don't-even-want leftovers, the I-have-no-idea-what-to-with-this-stuff- other-than-use-it-in-a-nasty-prank-on-my-worst-enemy leftovers.

(On a side note, had I known how very laborious and time-consuming actually trying to shred that stuff was going to be, I would've begged on my hands and knees, maybe even cried, for that lady to shred it for me or to at least have saved me the trouble and heartache and shot me right then and there! 1 1/2 hours of trying to shred hard, fatty tissue is not my idea of Christmas cheer.)

I drove home and skimmed over the directions for the recipe. They were not long instructions but they hid major details in seemingly innocent casual words like "boil", "mold", "foil", "steam", and "hours". I decided I needed to start immediately for it to be done by dinner time.
That was at noon.
It is now 5:30 pm.
I can't see the pudding under the layers of foil that are so carefully tied around it.
I have no idea whether it's actually making anything worthy of eating or perhaps planning to destroy the country by turning into the next generation Blob.
And the make shift rack I made turning a small plate upside down in the bottom of my "kettle" (i.e.: big red stockpot), shattered 2 hours ago.
At times it smells really good.
Other times I get a whiff of something burning.

So I can stop biting my nails to the quick, this might be a good time to share the recipe for any of those who dare try this at home.

Sugar Plum Pudding
4 slices of bread
1 cup of milk
1 cup of flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. cloves
1 tsp. mace
2 cups raisins
1 cup chopped dates
2 slightly beaten eggs
6 oz. (2 cups) beef suet
1 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup orange juice
1 tsp. vanilla

Tear bread slices into pieces. Soak torn bread in milk; use a fork to break up well. Sift together flour, baking soda, salt and the rest of the spices in a separate bowl; add raisins and dates. Mix well. To the bread/milk mixture, add the eggs, beef suet, brown sugar, orange juice, and vanilla. Stir bread-suet mixture into the flour mixture. Pour into a greased 2qt. mold; cover with aluminum foil and tie securely with string. Place on a rack in a deep kettle; pour in 1 inch of boiling water and put the lid on the kettle. Steam 3 1/2 hours, adding more water when needed. Cool about 10 minutes before taking pudding out of mold. Serve warm with Fluffy Hard Sauce (recipe to follow). Serves 12.

Fluffy Hard Sauce
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 tsp. vanilla
2 cups powdered sugar
1 stiffly beaten egg white

Cream together butter and vanilla. Gradually add the powdered sugar. Cream together until fluffy. Fold in egg white.

Here's a picture of the "mold" (i.e.: my 2 qt. glass Pampered Chef bowl) steaming in the big red "kettle".


Here is a slice of the finished product.
Drum roll, please...


TA-DA! It worked!! It came out perfect and I came out of it all alive!
(I didn't realize it's not like a creamy pudding at all, but more like a cake).
Despite the fact that I spent my entire day wrestling with a fabulously fatty and finicky pudding, it was all worth it in the end. It was amazing! The entire family and even our missionaries enjoyed it! I hope you do, too...
...because I'm NEVER making it again!

On the Fourth Day of Christmas My Parents Gave to Me...

...a night on the town!

I brought my camera  for this one, however, no memory card. Go figure! So, no pics this time but here's what we did...

We took the kids to Books-a-Million and let them pick out a book they wanted because they love to read. However, Daphne's book is having to be tossed because the book has cuss words in it! Can you believe that!? It was in the Junior's section and it looked perfectly reasonable for a 10 year old. But she started reading it out loud and was like, "Whoa, this is a wordy-durd and I can't say that." Thank goodness she understands and is so willing to do the right thing and get rid of it!

Then, we took them to Chick-Fil-A, their all-time favorite place to eat (mine, too) and let them eat ice cream and play till their hearts' content. 

Just 8 more days left!! 

On the Third Day of Christmas My Parents Gave to Me...

...an ornament craft!

I found this cute craft at Hobby Lobby and couldn't pass it up. You take some of these...

...and put on one of these...

...then one of these...

...and this is what you get!

We had so much fun doing these for FHE that we stayed up till almost 1 a.m. making them!

On the Second Day of Christmas My Parents Gave to Me...

...hot cocoa mugs!

On the First Day of Christmas My Parents Gave to Me...

...a photo op with Santa at the Mall!

After standing in the never ending line of screaming kids and even louder parents which looked like this...

...we made it to see the Jolly Old Elf himself!!
When asked what they wanted for Christmas this is what my children had to say:

Daphne: "I'm good with whatever." (I was surprised to find myself a little misty-eyed watching her stand there talking to him this year, what with her discovery and all.)

Abby: "I'm good with a new little puppy." (As if the 2 dogs and 3 cats we have at home aren't enough.)

Julia: "Can I please have some real make-up and a fake baby doll and a fake puppy? Thank you." (FAKE. She is such a good girl!)

Garrett: "I want some clean Spider Man shoes." (At this point, I'm certain I saw Santa look at me in my $100 jeans and American Eagle top in my suede boots and crinkle his nose. My stocking may very well be full of coal this year.)

I do have to mention that while we were standing in line, there was one of those big blue donation things where you put a coin into the slot and it spins around and around and around in this funnel before falling into the very middle, like this one...

Julia and Garrett were mesmerized watching the coin turn in circles getting faster and faster until it dropped into the middle. Garrett asked me where the money went. I said it went in the middle of the big bucket. Then, he wanted to know who gets the money. I told him it would be donated to some people who really needed it.
He paused for a moment and said, "But, mom YOU need it."
With that said, any donations may be sent directly to my home. Make checks payable to Carissa Mason: Foundation For the Financially Frivolous.

All I Want For Christmas is...

Tell me that is not the funniest thing you've ever seen!

This is the stuff that life is made of...

Nothing but a gold digger...

My son got his first "nose bleed" today...

"SEE!?" he says to me shoving a little blood-stained index finger in my face, and he was in a freakish panic before the hysteria of laughter escaped me and I grabbed the camera.
We washed his hands and I gave him a reassuring pat on the back and sent him on his way.

I guess he realized it wasn't life-threatening after all, but that maybe he shouldn't dig for gold so diligently next time.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

I love this time of year! Thanksgiving feasts and Christmas magic!!
Here's a couple shots of our Turkey Day Delight...
A turkey has never looked so good...at least not one that I have ever made. (Poor thing last year looked like an anorexic Angelina Jolie on diet pills after a tummy tuck. Apparently that's what happens when you leave it in the oven at 325* for oh, 3 or 4, ok 7 hours.)
This is my living room as of yesterday. After fishing through 2 attic storage spaces (where I found Halloween stuff I could have put to good use 2 months ago), the garage (where I found that smell, finally) and numerous closets (where I found Waldo, in case any of you are still looking) I finally got it all in place and created my own little winter wonderland in whites, creams and silver...

Close-up of my fabulous Christmas tree...
Yes, that is a disco ball as my tree topper!
Look at these darling little ice skates, (1/2 off at Target last year!)...
...and my cute little clip-on birds...
...and all the packages!!
Maybe one of those is for me?

"What hurts?"

So, tonight was a night like no other. My son actually finished his dinner. 

Every bite. 

This never happens. He'll sit there tapping his fork on his plate with an extended bottom lip staring blankly at whatever entree is on the receiving end of his pity-fest.

But tonight he ate. 

And he ate it all. 

And he told me it was delicious.

When he was done he quickly grabbed his empty paper plate and twisted to launch himself out of the dining chair to come show me just how much he truly loved my meal...but his shoe got stuck in the chair (darn rubber soles) and he fell smashing his knee on the hardwood floor and slamming his face into his alfredo-smeared plate. 

I looked him over. No broken bones, no missing eyeballs. I  gave one of my magical healing kisses but it didn't seem to work this time.

I shushed him a little and asked, "What hurts, baby?"

He looked up at me with tears the size of baseballs and between sobs replied, 

"The floor!"

Thank goodness...

...for warm flannel pajamas on a cold winter's night.

...for 2 of man's best friends and 3 feline landlords.

...for hobbies and talents that keep my hands from becoming engaged in idle workmanship.

...for sunshine after rain.

...for dinner parties and game nights with close friends.

...for a hairstylist who knows what she's doing.

...for good literature.

...for Saturday morning cartoons and pancake breakfasts.

...for tearless shampoo, Oxy Clean, Magic Eraser and Gorilla Glue.

...for cuddling weather like thunderstorms at midnight, snow storms on the weekends and cool breezy days.

...for Peanut Butter Chocolate Chunk ice cream on a sweltering July afternoon.

...for handwritten thank you notes and love letters.

...for a church calling and a dozen youth that have taught me more about the Gospel than I ever thought possible.

...for moms who play "the-coolest-nana-ever" part so well.

...for family get-togethers with silly games and funny faces caught on tape.

...for fond memories and cherished moments that you can't repeat but keep you close to the person you shared them with, even though they're far, far away.

...for a friend's shoulder to cry on or to laugh with when times get rough or rowdy.

...for a roof over my head and food on my table.

...for 8 tiny hands reaching to hold mine and 4 pairs of lips puckered for perfect little kisses.

...for that certain someone who knows everything there is to know about me and still chooses to come home at the end of the day. I love you, Mr. Simpleton! ;)