And that terrifies me.
Yet, I am no stranger to anxiety. I have dealt with it for as long as I can remember; always doing things people tell me to so I can "deal with" it, (I should mention that these people, albeit are well-meaning, have no idea what anxiety really is and how debilitating it can be at its roughest). These things usually include, but have never been limited to:
(The anxiety does enough of that for me).
"I heard counting backwards from 10 helps with that sort of thing"(It's also supposed to be a tip off as to whether you're drunk or not so...)
(I'm assuming you mean into more meaningful topics, rather than my impending doom?).
(You obviously don't know me well enough to know there's a constant silent prayer in my heart forever trying to ward off these episodes).
(Yes, because those never brought me any anxiety either).
(This is so ironic, it hurts).
(And have everyone else fawn over and pity me?)
"You need to find out what triggers these attacks and avoid them"
However, it also made me a stronger individual, and consequently, a stronger woman.
Those are the positives I have been able to mold from the ashes of that situation.
I don't trust as readily as most.
I question motives.
I am a loner (yes, I'm an introvert, despite the fact that I am also rather outgoing).
In reality, I'm simply a people-pleaser.
I doubt myself and my abilities but, oddly enough, never my capabilities.
(Abilities being my possession of certain talents and skills. Capabilities being the extent of those talents or skills).
Every day, I must choose to not let that event affect my life or my daily activities. In fact, I've done a significant amount of self-motivated personal transformation so that I would not hinder anyone else in the wake of my struggle. This was more difficult than it sounds.
not impossible, but certainly necessitating an utter feeling of urgency...or else, well, the worst.
I can't, for the life of me, remember what I was searching for when I stumbled across these images drawn by artist Toby Allen that depict different disorders and hindrances as mythical monsters. These monsters are given characteristics that, if they walked among you today, would be the epitome of the trials we face every day with our different demons perched on our shoulders. Although, the monsters are mythical, the struggles are anything but.
Some of us have more of these monsters lurking around the dark corners of our minds than others.
(click on the pictures to enlarge and read).
I took control.
These are my monsters.
They do not claim me.