Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Lessons in Elementary Traffic School

Ok. I just have to know if my readers, wherever you may be located, have the same problem with after-school traffic that I do here in my hometown. Not just after-school traffic, but even the 7:30-8:00 a.m. traffic as well. 

I wonder...
Do you have the rude guy in a much too small but very pricey vehicle who cuts you off in the middle of the road nearly causing an accident just to wave his finger at you because you did something you didn't know you weren't supposed to do?

Do you have the business man who has to drive passed the school in the morning to get to work and, I guess since he didn't leave 5 minutes earlier, he's now late and probably talking to his boss on his cellphone asking him to move the meeting to 8:30 instead? When, lo and behold, it looks like he's going to let you in line! You jump at the chance to cut line from someone so generous. You even wave. 
But what's this? 
He's moving closer to your bumper at an alarmingly rapid rate. 
He stops just inches from your rear end he...? 
Did he just...? He did! He just flipped you and your children off (not the kind of wave you were expecting in reciprocation). 
And from the color of his face he's on blood pressure meds, too. 
Or at least, he will be by this afternoon. 

Do you have the woman in the big truck who inevitably parks where she's not supposed to thus blocking anyone from going anywhere until she returns to her car, which is usually several minutes later?

Do you have the soccer dad in his '92 Buick who refuses to leave any less than 3 cars lengths between him and the car in front of him? You could turn into the parking lot if he'd move up just 5 feet. 3 feet, even! But nooooo. You have to wait for Super Slow Sally to get her kid in the car at the front of the line before he'll even think of moving up. 

Do you have the crazy just-got-off-duty police officer dad who parks next to you and when your children are safely secured in the car and you're trying to safely merge out into traffic he peels out recklessly in front of you speeding away as children blow the dust from their faces and dodge tiny pebbles being slung at them?

Do you have the mom in the minivan who will every day and without a doubt pretend to not see the people who are trying to back out of the parking lot, merge into traffic, or change lanes and by thus ignoring causes after-school traffic pandemonium?

Do you have Crazy Sweaty Lunatic Guy in the beat up old hunk of metal who obviously needs some kind of road rage rehabilitation program? He's the one who sits behind you in the line of parking lot traffic that's going no where (see reference to lady in minivan mentioned just prior) but thinks by inching closer to your back bumper and then coming to a jerking halt over and over and over again all while screaming out his window, "Geez!" and "Oh, come on!" and "I got places to be!" will somehow manage to inspire someone in line to let the freak out into traffic with the rest of us.

Do you have the grandma that apparently has a neck problem because she can't look anywhere but straight when she's driving and you pray you don't get behind her in line only because you don't want to see her get pummeled by oncoming traffic?

Do you have the lady that you let out of the parking lot nearly everyday and never once waves or smiles any form of gratitude in your general direction?   

Do you have the impatient mom with 4 kids who has been sitting in a line that has gone no where for 15 minutes so she decides to jump the curb to get to a parking spot and get her children who are, by the way, the last ones to be picked up in their class because traffic was stalled for so long?
Oh, wait. 
That's ME! 

Besides the last one, if you guys don't have any one of these people in your area, you can have ours!


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