Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Press 1 for more Cheetos

You know those automated response systems that you get when you call certain numbers like the credit card company or any and all customer service lines?
They all sound the same with a monotone voice telling you to "Press 1 for this...Press 2 for that... Press 3 for nonsense...Press 4 for the run-around...Press 5 to shoot me...Press 6 to shoot yourself...or press 7 for more options that still won't answer your questions."
Well, I have a similar device mounted on my brain stem that is triggered by certain events...minus the "Press 7 for more options" option.

For instance, while driving the kids to school the other day I took a curve fast enough to persuade an old Cheetos chip to roll out from underneath the seat and reveal itself in all its hair and filth- covered glory. Garrett spotted it immediately and must have heard angels singing as he proclaimed,
"Awesome! A Cheeto!", as if the Cheetos gods had rained blessings down on my son's head.
My unfaltering, automatic, didn't-think-twice, duh! response:

...because anyone with a 6 year old boy knows that if he had a split second more it would have vanished into the abyss that is a boy's digestive system.

One more plethora of mystery germs diverted!
And the world of Garrett is least until the boy wakes up in the morning.

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